Why I Don’t Want You Commenting on My Child’s Body
“Wow, look at those chubby thighs!”
“Look at his big round stomach; he must be a good eater.”
“She is so skinny, she needs to eat more!”
Do these comments sound familiar? I bet you’ve heard a comment like this in the context of your own body as a child, or your child’s body. Although these comments are usually well intended, these types of statements can often be much more harmful then helpful. Here’s why:
Teach them to their love is dependent on their appearance: You may be teaching your child to feel they don’t have “approval” or “love” or “validation” from you if their body changes.
Teach them to value their appearance over everything else: You may make them feel like their body is the most important part of their identity, and the reason for their worthiness. This can be extremely problematic and set up problems when it comes to their self-worth, identity and body image in the long turn.
May lead to disordered eating/eating disorders: Children can internalize these types of messages and go to extreme conditions to have their body look a certain way, such as eating disorders or disordered eating.
May lead to a child’s lower self esteem: These types of messages especially if “negative,” can lead your child to have low self confidence.
May lead to poor body image: These types of comments may stick with your child for the rest of their life and result in a hatred for their own body. This type of pain around their body may lead them to therapy or body image work, which can take years of work to challenge.
So, what can I do to help my child develop a healthy body image?
Do your own work to promote a positive/neutral relationship with your own body. One of the best gifts you can give your child is to work on your own body image. A great first step can be to draw awareness towards how you are speaking about your own body (whether in front of your child or not). If it is very negative and critical, can you make shifts towards finding gratitude towards your body? For example, instead of saying “I hate how my stomach rolls over my jeans” you can say “My stomach is round and soft, as it stretched to provide the perfect home for you for 9 months.”
Celebrate all body shapes and sizes. The more you can expose your child to different body shapes and sizes, the better off they will be at finding peace with their ever-changing body. Books are a great way to do this. Some favorite books that discuss body diversity include, Awesomely Emma, and Your Body is Awesome. You can discuss with your kiddo that all bodies come in different shapes and sizes, (in an age appropriate way) and that is OK!
Focus on health promoting behaviors, vs. weight. Evidence suggests that weight is not the best indicator of health. Instead, we can focus on health promoting behaviors and encourage the littles in our life to move their bodies in ways that are fun and engaging, get good quality sleep, eat nourishing foods (with a balance of fun foods too!), take care of their mental health (in an age appropriate way), limit screen time, and take appropriate medications when needed. You can also mention to your child’s pediatrician they you would like to limit the conversation around weight/BMI with your child.
